Step 2 of 8
The birth plan
Talk to mum about her birth plan. Knowing it well makes it easier to know your role and keep the room calm on the day.
Know the plan
If mum already has a birth plan, go through it together and pull out the bits that are really important to her so you can speak up for it and defend her choice on the day. If she doesn’t have a birth plan, ask if she’d like to build one together.
On the day
- The midwives and doctors are on your team. If you’re calm, the room will stay calm too.
- Ask questions: To keep staff to the birth plan, ask questions when you need to. Try to avoid making statements, instead, stay curious and alert.
- The staff will ask mum and you about any decisions that don’t match mum’s birth plan. If you need time to think before deciding what to do, say: “Could you give us a minute to talk that through?”
- If you need to defend mum’s birth preference, calmly say: “Her preference is X where possible, can we start there?”
- Most importantly, you and the staff are on the same team, mum’s team. Work together but be willing to defend mum’s choice calmly.
Keeping the room calm and in line with mum’s birth choices is your job.
The BRAIN framework
Before agreeing to anything, run through these together:
- BBenefits. What are the upsides of this?
- RRisks. And the downsides?
- AAlternatives. Is there another option?
- IInstincts. What is mum’s gut saying?
- NNothing. What happens if we wait, or do nothing right now?
The calm environment kit
Agree this with mum in advance.
The playlist, if she’d like one. Build it together and download it, hospital signal can be rubbish.
Electric candles and low lighting set the mood.
Her favourite snacks and drinks. Small honey pouches are magic, quick energy right when mum needs it.
Phones on silent.
Decide who is and isn’t in the room.
Decide who announces the news, and when.
If plans change
Sometimes the birth doesn’t go to plan, like an unplanned caesarean (C-section). Ask mum in advance what would still matter to her if that happens. You can still stick to the rest of mum’s birth plan including: skin-to-skin (the first cuddle), feeding in the first hours, you next to her the whole time. Whatever happens, keep the room calm, keep talking to mum and keep speaking up for the bits of mum’s birth plan that still apply.
Your pocket card
Enter mum’s key birth preferences below. You’ll get a phone-friendly, printable card with everything you need on the day.